Written by David Ireland. Reviewed by Jenny Wordsworth.

David Ireland is the founder of Fertility4Men, a platform born from his own struggles. After more than eight years of infertility, failed treatments, and the silence men often carry, he decided to share the support, insights, and sense of community he wished he’d had. Fertility4Men is about giving men a place to be heard, learn, and connect, because fertility isn’t just a woman’s problem.

My Story

I never thought having kids would be hard. In my 20s, I assumed it would happen one day, especially since I’d been with my girlfriend and now my wife for years. It wasn’t something I worried about.

By my 30s, we were living in Sydney. We were fit, ate fairly well, went to the gym four or five times a week. We drank, but not that much. Life felt good. When we started trying for a baby, I thought it was just a matter of time.

After six months, we went for tests. That’s when I first heard the words “low sperm count.” I remember sitting there thinking, what does that even mean? The doctor said it wasn’t terrible, but it was still low. Then came IVF and ICSI. Words I’d never even heard of before. Suddenly, this thing I thought would be natural had turned into science.

I was told my sperm weren’t swimming straight. I laughed at the time. One good swimmer is all you need, right? But underneath, I felt this heavy dread. Something was wrong.

The years that followed were a blur. Eight of them, in fact.

Watching my wife inject herself day after day was horrific. Not once, but twice. Both rounds ended in heartbreak, a miscarriage, and then an ectopic pregnancy. The story goes on…

We changed clinics. Spent thousands. Tried every add-on they offered. It felt like buying a car and walking out with nothing. The emotional stress got worse, financial costs piled up, and still no baby.

There were nights we cried ourselves to sleep. I can still picture my wife lying there in tears, and me not knowing what to do. I felt useless. I had no one to talk to.

Work fell apart. I couldn’t concentrate. I carried it with me everywhere, the shame, the silence. In the end, I left my job. Another failure added to the list.

I shut myself off from the world. I barely spoke to friends. Put on a brave face when I went back into work, for my wife, for everyone. But inside, I was crumbling. I felt completely isolated.

There were strange highs mixed in with the lows.

Once, my sperm count jumped from 2 million to 36 million. I thought maybe things were changing. But then something else would go wrong. Four years in, I was told I had a varicocele. Fifteen per cent of men have them, apparently. It doesn’t always stop you from having kids, but in my head, it was just another thing broken in me.

That’s the thing about infertility. It’s never clear. It’s never simple. It chips away at you. There’s no magic pill.

We looked at everything: more IVF, surgery, adoption. Each one felt like giving up on the dream we started with. But at the same time, it was the only way to keep going.

I learned how quickly life can spin out of control. How damaging silence can be. And how lonely and isolated it feels to carry this as a man.

For a long time, I hid. In 2019, I started talking about infertility, but I didn’t want to show my face. I was embarrassed. I thought, like a lot of men do, that infertility was a woman’s issue. That’s rubbish. Men are half the story.

I set up Fertility4Men. Not because I wanted to be some polished brand, but because I couldn’t stand the thought of other men sitting in the same silence I did.

If you’re reading this and you’re in it, I get it. I know the nights where you lie awake, the arguments, the emptiness, the shame. I know what it feels like to carry this and not tell anyone. You’re not less of a man because of infertility. You’re not weak for struggling. You’re human.

This journey isn’t over for me. Maybe it never will be. But if telling this story means even one man feels less alone, then that’s enough. I would say have hope and don’t give up.

Here are some resources for additional support. 

Fertility4Men - community and support. 

HIMFertility - male only online support group. 

The Man Cave - website sharing stories around male infertility. 

Tommy's - baby-loss charity.