Written by Seetal Savla. Reviewed by Jenny Wordsworth.

Seetal Savla is a fertility patient advocate, writer and speaker. Having experienced multiple failed IVFs and losses before becoming mum to a daughter, she is passionate about sharing her story to support, educate and empower others, as well as challenging stigma - particularly within South Asian communities. Seetal is dedicated to creating space for honest, compassionate conversations around fertility, loss and hope. Through her writing and advocacy, which includes numerous articles (Times Weekend, HuffPost, Women’s Health, Metro UK), book contributions (No One Talks About This Stuff), a video diary series with Ferring Pharmaceuticals, brand campaigns (Stylist, Tommy’s, Plum & Ashby), speaking engagements (The Fertility Show, Make Birth Better) and online support groups (Fertility Network UK), she helps others feel less alone in their journeys. Follow Seetal's story and work on Instagram (@seetalsavla).

“At least it happened early”

“At least it happened early.” This is a phrase that people who have lost a pregnancy before 24 weeks often hear when we tell others about our devastating experiences. They mistakenly assume that an early miscarriage means we are less emotionally attached and feel less physical pain, making it easier to move on and try again. Having suffered two early losses (at four and eight weeks respectively), I’m always quick to correct this misconception. Each loss hurt me in different ways, and I needed time to make sense of my feelings while recovering physically.

“Sick days for scans”

Thankfully, I was able to take time off from work on both occasions to give myself the space to focus on healing. My first loss felt like an emotional rollercoaster. After years of convincing myself that motherhood wasn’t for me, I got a glimpse of something I thought I didn’t want, realised that I did want it as soon as I saw the positive pregnancy test, then had it cruelly taken from me. I had been so busy rebelling against a pronatalist society and my community that I hadn’t stopped to ask myself what was right for me.

I took a handful of sick days for scans, and to start processing my conflicting emotions without having to worry about juggling demanding colleagues, clients and deadlines. Although I had a good relationship with my manager, I didn’t mention the miscarriage because I wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet. It was an unplanned pregnancy, and my husband and I had yet to decide how and when we wanted to move forward with investigating our suspected fertility issues (it was our sole pregnancy in eight years of marriage, and we were both in our mid-30s at that point).

“I had kept my pregnancy quiet because I was nervous about the professional repercussions”.

The circumstances surrounding my second loss were the complete opposite. After being diagnosed with low ovarian reserve, navigating four fresh unsuccessful IVF cycles using my eggs and a cancelled donor egg IVF, I was finally pregnant again six years later, thanks to another donor. Despite some initial concerns, everything was on track.

Until it wasn’t. Given that I had only just started working for this Berlin-based company (we left London late 2020), I had kept my pregnancy quiet because I was nervous about the professional repercussions of telling my manager. Although I had been documenting my desire to become a mother online since 2019, she and I had never spoken about it. Even though I couldn’t guarantee a positive response, I was confident that I would be emotionally held as her caring nature was evident from the outset.

Her reaction exceeded my expectations. As I fought back the tears, she repeatedly reassured me that my needs took priority over work. If I couldn’t face putting a handover together, she and the team would figure it out among themselves and take care of my workload during my absence. Since I couldn’t confirm how much time off I would need, she told me that we could take it one day at a time. In the end, I remained at home for a week, leave which was approved at her discretion; HR was never involved. In any case, there was no reproductive health policy in place to protect me.

“Being supported through loss by our employer shouldn’t be a matter of luck”.

This decision made me feel immensely valued, both as a person and employee. Knowing that I had her support and could return to my role when I was ready to do so, not because I was using up annual or sick leave that I might need later that year, lifted an enormous weight off my heavy shoulders. I could therefore fully focus on the difficult decisions that lay ahead in terms of managing my complex miscarriage and letting my sadness, anger and hopelessness slowly unfold in the safety of my home. 

The more I speak with others about how their early pregnancy losses were insensitively handled by their managers and workplaces, the more I appreciate the compassionate support I received. With my latest loss, I also had to quickly familiarise myself with a different healthcare system and language while nursing my broken heart, so having less work-related pressure on my plate was extremely helpful.

Being supported through loss by our employer shouldn’t be a matter of luck, though. When I heard about the Employment Rights Bill introducing a day-one right to one week’s bereavement leave for employees who experience pregnancy loss prior to 24 weeks, I felt such relief for anyone whose employers may not be as empathetic and flexible as mine were. As it stands, Parental Leave and Pay is only available to bereaved parents if they or their partner loses a child up to the age of 18 or has a stillbirth after 24 weeks of pregnancy. Employed parents may also be entitled to statutory maternity, paternity and shared parental leave and pay.

“This decision means that miscarriages will continue to be underreported”.

This Bill is a significant step forward in the Government acknowledging that all losses are valid. However, it is very disappointing that this bereavement leave may only amount to one week and be unpaid. Since there is no hierarchy of grief and therefore no one’s loss should be minimised, I believe that two weeks of paid bereavement leave should be available to everyone, regardless of when their loss occurred. 

Introducing unpaid bereavement leave also further disadvantages women and families from low-income households. When given the choice between paid annual or sick leave and unpaid bereavement leave, the former will most likely be the preferred option. While entirely understandable, this decision means that miscarriages will continue to be underreported (there is currently no official record of the number of miscarriages that happen a year in the UK), making it more difficult to form an accurate picture of their impact in the workplace.

“The Government is currently inviting feedback … and you can share yours here”.

The Government is currently inviting feedback from individuals and organisations as part of a public consultation that will shape policy on eligibility, the total duration of leave, the maximum window of time within which the leave must be taken, and the types of pregnancy loss in scope.

If you also strongly feel that all loss is equal and deserves the same treatment, you can share your views online. If you need any guidance on how best to respond to the consultation questions, baby loss charity Tommy’s has provided some suggested answers on their website. 

Our Response: 

OVUM and Seetal co-created OVUM’s response to the online consultation. We have submitted our response and have outlined our position below: 

• Part One: Eligibility: OVUM believes that bereavement leave for pregnancy loss should not be restricted to the person who has physically experienced the pregnancy loss. This is because loss impacts many others, and it is imperative that everyone impacted is offered support and time to grieve. OVUM believes that all types of pregnancy loss should be eligible for bereavement loss, and this policy should not distinguish between such. Pregnancy loss at any stage can be truly devastating, and we must recognise that, but also provide support for this. 

• Part Two: When and How Bereavement Leave Can Be Taken: OVUM believes that bereavement leave should be flexible, as everyone’s experience of grief is different, particularly concerning PTSD following loss. There should be an extended amount of time that this leave can be taken, and that it can be taken discontinuously in units of one day, as many are not aware of when they will need it. 

• Part Three: Notice and Evidence Requirements: OVUM believes there should be no requirement for evidence following a loss, as this would add further pressure and burden to those experiencing such a loss. It is often not possible to give advance notice, and so there must be no requirement for this. 

• Additional suggestion: What is clear to OVUM is that this leave should be paid, or else employees may feel obliged to use paid sick days or annual leave, particularly discriminating against those on lower incomes. Creating a policy that is accessible for those experiencing loss is vital, and our stance reflects the need to include all stages of loss, all people experiencing loss, and all socio-economic backgrounds. 

Key Takeaways: 

• The way we experience pregnancy loss before 24 weeks varies from one person to another, one pregnancy to another. Similarly, some may need to take time off to recover and grieve; others may not. They may want it immediately or at a later date. 

• Regardless of how we experience pregnancy loss, we should all have the right to take two weeks of paid bereavement leave because every loss matters. 

• You can submit your views online here until the 15th January, and help to shape the future of bereavement leave in the UK. We strongly encourage you to do so, as our voices together can help to shape the future of bereavement policy in the UK. 

Here are some resources I found helpful on my journey that I hope others might also find useful:

Charities

Tommys Charity. Available at: tommys.org
Sands Charity. Available at: sands.org.uk
Miscarriage Association Charity. Available at: miscarriageassociation.org.uk
Petals Charity. Available at: petalscharity.org

Support groups

Fertility Network UK Support organisation. Available at: fertilitynetworkuk.org
Fertility Action Support organisation. Available at: fertilityaction.org

Podcasts

Fertility Life Raft Podcast. Available at: fertilityliferaf t.com
The Fertility Podcast Podcast. Available at: thefertilitypodcast.com
Big Fat Negative Podcast. Available at: bigfatnegative.com
The Worst Girl Gang Ever Podcast. Available at: theworstgirlgangever.co.uk

Counselling

British Infertility Counselling Association BICA Professional counselling body. Available at: bica.net
Parenthood in Mind Counselling service. Available at: parenthoodinmind.com
Guru A Specialist counselling. Available at: anitaguru.com

Instagram accounts relating to loss

Agg J Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/jennieagg
Morais H Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/helena.morais
Dawood A Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/asiyadawood
Burnett A Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/aliciaburnett
Balesaria A Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/aishabalesaria
Kajal Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/kajal
Patel R Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/rikpatel
Patel S Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/sitapatel

Post IVF or loss accounts

Shepherd A Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/annabelshepherd
Tariq S Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/shematariq
Kearns B Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/beckykearns
Dhiman K Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/kreena
Greenaway S Instagram account. Available at: instagram.com/shaungreenaway