Written by anon. Reviewed by Jessica Hobbis. 

The following story is from a Good Eggs Member (Ovum’s Consumer Advisory Board). After having lived in Scotland for a number of years, the author and her partner now live in South East England, closer to their families. They both value being part of their local sports communities, enjoy going on adventure holidays together, and are currently around a year and a half into their fertility journey. 

Biology

We hadn’t always been set on having children, but something had been building over the past few years ever since we’d gotten to know our new niece and we’d started to understand what it could really mean to have our very own little family. Whilst we were still only in our early thirties, we also knew that we didn’t have forever to decide. When we made the appointment to have my IUD removed, we felt ourselves entering this next phase of our lives with anticipation and excitement - the era of “trying to conceive”. 

It was about seven months down the line when a nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right finally led us to seek some help in the form of a private fertility check. Despite assuring ourselves of the NHS’s information that it can take couples up to a year of trying, it somehow felt strange that nothing had happened, and we had started to ponder if there was an underlying issue. Meanwhile, I was busy listening to fertility podcasts, fascinated by how much there was to learn about our bodies, the science behind fertility and some of the possible interventions.

I don’t know why we hadn’t made the connection before, but once we did, it seemed so obvious. My partner had started testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) some years earlier, following a pattern of symptoms such as brain fog, tiredness and difficulty losing excess weight, having finally gotten tested and the results showing lower than normal testosterone levels. We hadn’t been thinking about children at the time, but the clinic had suggested combining the testosterone injections with Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) to maintain his fertility for the future. Now, a few years later, our research showed this was by no means a guarantee, and as it turned out, TRT had severely impacted my partner’s sperm count, movement and shape (concentration, motility and morphology) and pointed to the likely reason we were struggling to conceive now. So, the challenge of coming off TRT began, allowing my partner’s body to adjust and begin producing its own testosterone again, and enabling us to move forward with greater clarity.  

Belief

I think the whole process so far has really brought home how undereducated we were about fertility, and I have actually enjoyed understanding more about my body despite the circumstances. I was also interested to learn that traditionally there was (and still can be) a skewed focus on the female, almost ignoring potential male factor issues until much further down the line, which is exactly why we started by getting both of us checked out (if only we had done this much earlier!). On top of this, it became clear to us just how important it is for a male partner (when relevant) to also prepare physically and mentally, especially during the three-month run-up period before trying to conceive. 

We’re about a year and a half into our journey now, and whilst this has understandably brought some frustration, disappointment and sadness, the learning curve has been immense. I’d say what we’ve learnt is valuable not only for now, but also in shaping how we live in the future. I have endeavoured to stay positive by viewing this period as an extension of our preparation time. It’s been a real opportunity to take a holistic approach to what we are doing, looking at our physical strength and fitness, the food we eat, the supplements we consume and the products we use (goodbye plastic Tupperware and ultra-processed foods, hello natural laundry products, cleaners and toiletries and regular strength training). It’s been a bit of a whole lifestyle shift, really. 

Boundaries

I am actually super disciplined if I set my mind to something, which is probably one of the hardest things about a fertility journey, because sometimes, however much you do to put the odds in your favour, it doesn’t necessarily translate into what you’d hoped for. However, the point I wanted to make is that we don’t actually have to be perfect 100% of the time, and we shouldn’t blame ourselves each time it doesn’t work out - although far easier said than done for me!

I’ve found confiding in a few close friends helpful, but I haven't wanted to be an open book for everyone just yet, mostly to avoid putting any additional pressure on myself and my partner. Of course, this does mean there is little protection from talk of babies and pregnancy announcements, which are always received with a tinge of sadness under the surface. 

I’ve found it helpful to consider the whole range of different experiences amongst my own friends. I’ve got friends going through relationship break ups, friends who have just had their first baby after experiencing a miscarriage, friends still searching for the right partner, friends now with toddlers: we’re all on different timelines and there’s no perfect path. I try to use this to put my own experience into perspective.  

Belonging 

Community is so important in general, and we have both sought it out locally through our sports groups (climbing/mountain biking/local training sessions) in particular. These have become a huge part of our lives and who we are. It’s a support network in its own right, providing structure, friendships and a distraction from everything else that is going on. And ultimately, it works despite very few people actually knowing about this other aspect of our lives.

Finding a specific ‘fertility community’ has been harder as it is often difficult to know if anyone has experienced something similar - I guess this is the result of both us and others not opening up. Fertility certainly isn’t generally flung into casual conversations. I don’t think we have stayed quiet due to any kind of stigma; more, simply to protect our privacy and space, as that feels right for us at the moment. Funnily enough, after getting involved in OVUM’s The Good Eggs Customer Advisory Board, it seems that community might have actually found me!

Beyond the Blog

• Stumbling across the Don’t Tell Me to Relax fertility podcast was the start of my journey into learning more about me, my partner and the science behind fertility. It also led me to OVUM! 

• I have become much more focused in recent times on what we put into our bodies, particularly our nutrition. There's a lot you can read on this, but I feel Chris van Tulleken’s Ultra-Processed People really gets to the core of the issue and will make you think differently about food forever!

• The things that really keep me going are my sports communities. If there is something you enjoy doing or fancy trying out, go and find a club, a gym, or a local group. It’s such a great way to meet people, do something fun, and make sure that your entire world doesn’t become focused on your fertility journey. I love how my mind fully focuses on the sport (especially when hanging off a climbing wall!!), breaking that cycle of getting stuck inside your own head.