Written by Sarah Allison. Reviewed by Jenny Wordsworth.

This Wasn’t in the Brochure

IVF is marketed as a solution.

But for solo women over 40, the reality is more complicated - and more expensive - than we’re often led to believe.

This isn’t a horror story. It’s a heads-up. Because smart, independent women walking this path alone, and funding it with one salary, deserve better than blind hope wrapped in a clinic brochure.

Here’s the real story, drawing on insights from both my IVF cycles in Europe. I was 43 years old when I invested in this treatment and travelled from the UK solo.

1. It Might Take Three (or More) Cycles

Fertility clinics don’t always spell it out, but most women over 40 don’t conceive from one cycle of IVF.  

(If it happens sooner than three cycles, it’s a bonus!)

Planning for multiple cycles - emotionally and financially - can make a challenging process feel slightly more grounded. That might mean widening your search to clinics outside your home country. 

Knowing this upfront gives you choices. And choice is power.

Joanna, Head of Patient Experience, at Fertility Clinics Abroad: 

“With NHS-funded IVF now covering just 27% of cycles in the UK (down from 40% a decade ago) many patients are turning to private care, and increasingly, to clinics abroad. 

In the UK, IVF costs from £5,000 per cycle. In Europe, in very reputable clinics that can offer you a higher chance of success, costs can start at £3,500. As often more than one cycle is needed, it quickly adds up and the difference becomes even bigger.”

2. Choose a Clinic with Real Experience Treating +40 Women 

You deserve a clinic that knows how to treat women your age - not just one that’s willing to.

Too many places gloss over the specifics.

Ask for data: success rates by age, by own eggs and donor eggs. 

This isn’t pushy. It’s responsible. 

You’re in the driving seat. You need clarity from the outset, so you can advocate for yourself effectively.

“Consider yourself the CEO of your treatment.”

I learned this the hard way. I was too overwhelmed to figure out what questions to ask. I got my low AMH results and panicked. My friend recommended a Spanish clinic and I went straight to it, without shopping around. Big mistake.

My lack of research cost me time, money and shattered nerves. 

3. Push for Testing - Before You Start Stimming

It’s convenient (and profitable) for clinics to suggest “trying a round” before doing advanced testing. But for women over 40, time is not on your side.

Get the clarity you deserve from the outset, ideally before starting the stimulation injections. Ask what tests are recommended upfront, and why. Push for a rationale, not just reassurance. Are a scan and a few blood tests enough?

“Don’t let anyone frame curiosity as an inconvenience.”

What about preparing your body, to give you the best chance? Some clinics take a more holistic approach, such as checking your vaginal microbiome and recommending supplements. Others don’t. 

Decide what’s important for you.

After my first failed IVF cycle, I hired a nutritionist, Milena. She reviewed my bloods and diet, and suggested supplements and a tailored diet plan. It helped me feel far better prepared, mentally and physically, ahead of my next IVF cycle. 

4. Clinics Are Businesses

This is profit-driven healthcare. 

If you never ask questions, never seek clarity, and always say yes - you’re the perfect client. 

But you are not here to make someone’s admin easier. You’re here to become a mother. 

“So ask all the questions. Decline what doesn’t feel right.”

If they are annoyed with your questions, that’s a red flag.

5. Understand Your Medication and How It’s Working (Via Scans)

Not all meds are created equal. Not all protocols will suit your biology.

After one scan and one blood test, I flew to Athens, Greece for my second IVF cycle. It should never have gone ahead. The stimulation drug wasn’t effective for me (and actually made me feel terrible). But the doctor didn’t request a scan before I got on the plane.

You have every right to ask for extra scans at your clinic, clarity on dosage, or even a second opinion. 

“This is your body, your hormones, your outcome and your money.”

Final Thoughts: Speak Loud, Ask Often

Women over 40 are smart, resourceful, and likely used to advocating for their health in other scenarios. Whether it’s visiting your GP, sexual health clinic, having your smear tests, or more thorough investigations for specific complaints, you seek the support you need.

Fertility treatment should be no different.

Yes, the process is clinical. But it’s also deeply personal and emotionally charged. Silence makes it easier for clinics. But it rarely serves you.

You always have permission to ask questions, push back, seek clarity, and use your voice.

At every stage, in every consult, without apology. 

There is no space for second guesses.

Related reads:

• Why We Try: A Solo Woman’s Quest For Motherhood & A Lifelong Dream Fulfilled
  

• I Ditched The UK & Went To Europe For IVF (& I Don't Regret It)

• Misleading Fertility Messaging — And What Solo Women Over 40 Deserve To Hear Instead

About Solo Fertility 40s

This is the home for independent women over 40, pursuing motherhood on their terms.

It was created by Sarah in 2024 as she went through two cycles of own egg IVF treatments in Europe. Frustrated at the lack of spaces specific to solo women over 40, she started writing to share her insights and support other women.